Wednesday, April 17
what do we do with our observations?
Learning about behavior patterns that tend to attach to a particular sex or gender (by nature or by culture) can help to free us. We might have been thinking (and acting) like our friend or partner *is* a certain way, but when we realize that it is characteristic of an entire sex or gender, it has the potential to free us. We can let go of a notion that our friend or partner "should" be a certain way. For example, if a woman thinks "her man" does not notice details, it may help for her to realize that many men tend to be busy with goal-based focus, not detail. Likewise, if a man thinks "his woman" always wants to talk and seems too dependent, it may help for him to realize that this is the way women behave to feel closeness.
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Hey everyone!
ReplyDeleteA friend sent me a couple of links and I think that this is very applicable to us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5pM1fW6hNs
very powerful compilation.
ReplyDeleteWhile certain things are part of the gender characteristics, I think that we should not leave it the way it is. Yes, it does help to understand the opposite gender better and we will get less frustrated knowing that that's how they are in general.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I believe that we should not just leave it at that and we should try to change because after a while, we would still become frustrated again. I guess if the opposite party does see the attempt to change for the other, they would still appreciate it rather than not trying at all. And this is where compromise will come into play.
It is ok for the men not to notice detail everyday but the men should try to take more effort to notice the opposite gender on special occasions or when there is something 'off' with the female. On the other hand, the female should also observe if the men is up for a long talk, especially after a long day at work. It wouldn't kill the female to give the spotlight to the men once in a while and make them feel important. Or if the men seem like he wants to be left alone, he should be left alone. Give them their space and they will come to you after some time alone.
This makes sense. On a little personal note, a long distance relationship can be very frustrating when two people aren't on the same page due to the obvious lack of physical presence but it's much more strainious when one is after a certificate and the other is just trying to make day to day ends meet while sharing the other's goal as their quasi-goal of reunion. So basically if I want to make this work I need to take a step back and see her details until and after reunion. A small sacrifice to ease her greater one.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. Well...that's how one makes a relationship work. Compromise. Relationships don't work base on love. Love is a feeling and it will go away due to circumstances and life. If you don't work on it, it'll break down. Relationship starts with love but is fueled by commitment, perseverance, patience, tolerance, time and compromise.
DeleteNo matter what gender one is, both sides should learn to compromise for one another.
Good luck DesertPup! I'm sure it'll be a great reunion. After all, absence (with the right person) makes the heart grow fonder.
Thank you. =)
DeleteChange: I thought I responded to you yesterday - but it vanished. the good thing about your comment is you recognize we CAN CHANGE OURSELVES in seeing the typical characteristics of 'the other". that is better than trying to "change the other" to be the was we (think we) want them to be.
ReplyDeleteDesertPUP - many good things about a l.d. relationship too. For you, long listening phone calls can work wonders.
At the same time, MT, if only one party changes for the other, the relationship will not work out too well too so it goes both ways.
ReplyDeleteAlso, would you say that males are generally more self-centered too? As in they tend to put themselves first instead of the girl. When they woo the girl, they would do anything to get them. Once they've gotten the girl, all the nice things just stop. And females, they are just generally more thoughtful and they are more willing to sacrifice for the other party compared to the males?
oh yes - each party has to change, but neither can sit there and say to the other, "you have to change."
ReplyDeleteas for more self-centered. There are two scales not one. Next time, I must tell all about 1. the new yorker joke "You never tell me you love me anymore." and 2. the differences at the start of how men can tell they are in love and how women can tell they are in love.